| ||
| ||
|
||
|
|
|
What Are You Waiting For?
So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children". Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they? When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes. We weren't getting along to make things worse, as he was still doing the 'single dude' thing outside of the house, skulking in at all hours of the morning, making hushed calls from his cellular phone, etc. I thought that I was doing the best thing for the children at the time. I allowed him to stay, because I didn't want to put them through the emotional upheaval that I was sure that they would have to endure if I kicked him out. Something happened one night that changed my opinion on that whole "staying together for the kids" thing. We were having one of our usual "discussions" at about two in the morning. As usual, it got loud, and our eldest daughter woke up (she was ten at the time), came out of her room, and said, "Will you two stop it?! I can't stand it anymore!" It was like a light bulb lit up in my head, and I thought to myself, "Why are we doing this? Why are we putting these children through this nonsense? They're clearly not in the best emotional place that they could be. We're done." At which time, I went downstairs, and sat at the kitchen table. I thought long and hard about what I was doing. Why was I really allowing him to stay? Was it really for the kids? Or was it for me? Was it because of my fear of being 'alone' that I allowed my children to hear and be witnesses to things that I would prefer they not? Was it because of my fear of what kicking him out would bring on? Whatever the reason, I had to stop thinking about whatever it was that I was afraid of, and start thinking about just what his presence in the house was doing to the emotional well-being of our children. They were miserable. He had to go, and that was that. It's my job as their mother, to make absolutely certain that my children are protected, emotionally, physically and spiritually while they're under my roof. So, I stood up from that kitchen table, and walked back up those stairs. He was standing at the top of the staircase, looking straight down at me. I looked up at him and I said, "You have to go." To which he replied, "Go? Go where? Where do you expect me to go at three in the morning?" I headed back down the stairs as I said, "I don't care where you go, but you need to be out of this house tonight." He gave me the usual caveman response, "Well, if you want to try to make me go, go ahead." But I was prepared. I said to him, "We can do this one of two ways. You choose. We can do this the easy way, where you get your things, and walk out the front door on your own steam, or we can do this the hard way, where you give me flack, and I call someone who'll help you be out of here in the next 15 minutes, with or without your stuff. It's your call." So, after about two minutes, he packed what he could into a duffel bag, kissed the kids, and walked out of the front door. Our eldest daughter, closed the door behind him, and said to me as she did so, "Thank God. Now we can have some peace." Those words coming from her mouth changed my thinking forever. When you think that you're staying together "for the kids", think again. Whatever emotional upheaval you're going through in your situation, they're feeling as well. Don't think for a second that your children don't see it. They see and hear much more than we realize. I decided that I would much rather have my children in a loving, one parent household, than a dysfunctional, two parent household, in which the parents are constantly at odds with each other. Kids are all eyes, and ears. They take in a huge percentage of what they see and hear at home. My household is happy and healthy now. There's no fighting. There's no stress. I made the right decision, and my children are much happier for it. Martinis for Everyone! Debbie Burgin Copyright 2005 Debbie Burgin All Rights Reserved. Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3 who owns two businesses that she started post-divorce. http://www.debbieburgin.com, and http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com Read more of Debbie's articles at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Divorce - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do Knowing What To Do In DivorceKnowing what to do when you are faced with a divorce is often hard to figure out. But, you can and you will get through it. Top 5 To Dos Before Saying "I Do" 1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of your biggest life-altering decisions. Divorce and the Stock Market The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce? Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage. Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right Source Getting the right type of divorce advice depends on what type of divorce advice you want and what you want to use it for. When looking for divorce advice, it is smart to clearly define what you are seeking the advice for so you can be sure to look in the right places. Deciding on Divorce: How to Know You are Making the Right Choice It's a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of "throwing a relationship away", you'll probably experience a lot of stress. Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce. Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in matrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each other and to remain partners both during good and bad times.But in most marriages, this is not always the case. Two Hearts Are Now One It is fitting that I should write this story on Valentines Day, for this is a story of two broken hearts; healed and mended, then melted together as one--in an instant. This is a story of True Love. Steps Toward Divorce When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important that you make sure you and your children (if you have any) are taken care of. Before you even visit the attorney you'll want to assess your financial situation. 7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. The Legal Side of Divorce While divorce can be an emotionally draining experience, even in the best of situations, it can also be a complicated legal matter that affects both parties equally. No matter how long your marriage has lasted or how few belongings you share together, it is also best to involve an attorney in your divorce proceedings. Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair? Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a life-changing event, regardless of whether you stay married or not. Inescapable feelings can come over both people who live through an extramarital affair that will never be forgotten by either of them. Reasons You Arent Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or... Stay MarriedAlong with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most people, even if they know deep inside themselves that they have to actually make a decision, one way or another. Effects of Divorce on Children When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous sense of grief and relief are felt. A recently divorced person will feel grief over the loss of their marriage and the loss of their partner in life. Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce? Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Credit and Divorce Mary and Bill recently divorced. Their divorce decree stated that Bill would pay the balances on their three joint credit card accounts. How to Select a Divorce Lawyer Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case is a very important decision. The following are a few important criteria to help in finding the right divorce lawyer. Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and "Negotiating Agreement" are about how to deal with disagreement--from simple difference of opinion to active upset and anger--and some specific steps that will help you reach an agreement. As you will see, the things you can do yourself are far more effective than anything a lawyer can do for you.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
