| ||
| ||
|
||
|
|
|
Who Controls YOUR Happiness?
Where does happiness fit on a scale of 1 to 10 in your life? Is that a silly question? Who's in control of your happiness?? Well, if you want to maintain continued happiness in light of difficult moments then start by identifying your thinking. Often this means that some of the way you think about certain things may need to change. Change is difficult for many people, especially when it involves changing a behavior that you have practiced over and over again (such as drinking, smoking, overeating, etc.) And with the change often comes strong emotion. But human beings have a wonderful ability to change how they feel by changing how they think. So how do you know what feelings to change, and aren't we SUPPOSED to feel certain emotions in light of the situations we experience? The answer is yes, and no. Yes, it is inevitable that we will experience emotions in relation to life events. And no: how we feel is determined by how we think about these events. Feelings are like the weather, an ongoing part of life, which will change when the right conditions present themselves. They are neither good nor bad, they just are. Rain exists because atmospheric conditions are right for this event to happen. Feelings exist because of the thoughts you have in relation to the events in your life. Certain thoughts create uncomfortable feelings and other types of thoughts create feelings of joy, contentment, and happiness. The question is not whether you should have feelings, but rather are the feelings I'm experiencing helping me to achieve my goal(s) or are they hindering this process? Generally speaking, feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, and guilt tend to produce behaviors that hinder our life goals. That's why we want to change them. Not because they are intrinsically good or bad, not because we shouldn't feel them, but simply because they tend to interfere with having our wants and desires met. Like the weather, if conditions are right, it rains. If the thoughts are right for anxiety, you will experience anxiety. If the thoughts are right for depression, then depression it is. Fortunately for all of us, altering atmospheric conditions is much more difficult than altering our thoughts. Although changing thoughts is not easy at times, it is much more controllable when you are taught how, then practice. Anger, anxiety, depression, and guilt are what we refer to as the 4 Blocks to Happiness. Anxiety, for instance, tends to produce behaviors such as avoidance, isolation, self-medicating (drinking, drugging, and overeating) and many negative physiological changes. These may include lack of concentration, memory loss, muscle tension, headaches, diarrhea or other bowel disorders. Unless you find benefit in experiencing these symptoms, these are why we want to change these feelings. They are uncomfortable, and not goal oriented. Anxiety does not help us get what we want. Finally, feelings are similar to a weather barometer. They are the gauge to whether we are on track, enjoying our lives, achieving our goals, keeping us out of conflict with others, and preserving our life and limb. We WANT to experience emotion. Lots of intense, as well as, moderate feelings. "It is not the idea that my son is doing well and enjoying his life, but truly how I feel about him enjoying his life. It is the happiness I feel watching him grow, mature, and find meaning to his existence." The feeling is the reward for our action, it is what we as humans seek in our day-to-day experience. Feelings are also the alarm bell, telling us to slow down, seek consult, take another look, or simply work harder. Sometimes we feel we are on a roller coaster: it can be exhilarating and it can also be frightening. You judge for yourself, but remember whatever you are feeling you can change. Expect progress rather than perfection and the journey will be much more manageable. About The Author Dr. Thomas is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a practice in Tampa, FL. He has been counseling people to feel better for over 21 years. This article is posted at www.stressgroup.com. He is also the co-author of Quit Smoking-Be Happy!-see www.quitsmoking-behappy.com to learn more.
MORE RESOURCES:
Happiness - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Sunny Days Are Here To Stay Yes, this is correct. Sunny Days are here to stay, that is, if you want them to be. 7 Things Happy People Know How To Do Ever notice how some people just seem to be able to be content and bounce back no matter what the circumstances? Research shows that this isn't a gift or a talent - it's a skill that they have developed. Surprised? Well, the real surprise is that you too can put to work their techniques and make your life happier too. Smile How do we smile at each other? Is there a message communicated between us as we smile? Does it convey the depth of our feelings we have for each other? Take note of how our smiles deepen in feeling toward each other as our relationship grows and time passes. Note how our smiles reflect our joy as we pass time together without insignificant complaints. Where do we Find True and Lasting Happiness? For the longest time I was convinced that I was not happy unless I had a partner to share my life with. I just knew that having someone to share glorious sunrises and romantic sunsets would make me happy. Maybe Money CAN Buy Happiness Can money buy happiness? It's easy to say no, and probably correct, but that's just a way to stop thinking about the tougher issues. What is your relationship to money, for example, and how do you use this most powerful of worldly tools?Maybe you see that chasing after money for its own sake is destructive, but isn't it equally damaging to have such a powerful instrument in your hands while pretending it has no importance?Money Is ImportantSome say that money isn't important to them, but this isn't true. Ten Ways to Eliminate Guilt From Your Life 1. Say "Yes" Only When You Want ToYou want to please everyone, but you end up disappointed in yourself. Love is All You Need Boiled down to all of our essence, all we really want is to be loved.. Mexican Living: What Makes You Happy? Many ask me this question: "Did moving to Mexico make you happier?" My answer to that question is a resounding "no!" Does that shock you? Does that concern you? Does that cause you to pause? Do more questions come to mind?Moving to Mexico did not make me happy.To explain this I am going to have to get all Dr. Giving Attention To Happiness When I left England in 2000 there did not seem to be much happiness around. People in modern western society tend to be self focused to the extreme, prone to criticise rather than support or applaud, and with little time or inclination to devote to others. Happiness Is Truly M.A.G.I.C.A.L. (TM) The year is almost half over. Many of us are taking the time to reflect, to imagine new dreams and to revise our goals. 7 Keys to a Happy Life 1. Do not act in order to receive a payoff. 10 Fun Ways To Live An Enchanted Life Today! I am often asked how I can live the way I do. Who pays me to be a real-life Merlin? It's not as if you can open the paper and read a want Ad for such a position. Being Together When it comes to happiness, togetherness is probably the most common cause of such feelings.Being together means more than just close proximity. 10 Easy Ways You Can Feel Happier, Be Healthier and Live Longer Starting NOW! Let's just say? first thing when you popped out of bed this morning, you woke up and found a little yellow post-it note stuck on the bathroom mirror that could transform your life. You smiled, instantly recognizing this very familiar word. Self-Worthiness Worthiness-word origin. Worth and worship both come from Old English weorth, worth value. Today It Is ... Tomorrow It Will Be ... What is your life like today? What do you want it to be like tomorrow? Today it is a good life for my wife and I. We are enjoying retirement and spending the winters in Florida. How To Focus On The Positive Qualities Of Your Relationship The quality of your life has a strong connection with how healthy your relationship with other people is. Do you struggle to make other people see things your way? Well stop trying, because you can't manipulate others. Principles of Human Misery / Happiness Sometimes we are so occupied with our daily routine in life that we forget that "we" are the most important element of our existence. We need to be nourished in order to grow. Does Money Buy Happiness? According to researchers like Martin Seligman, Daniel Kahneman and Ed Deiner, money may be able to buy happiness, but only to a very limited extent. On the other hand, not having money - that is, a family income of less than 30,000 a year - is related to less happiness. Guess Who Else Has a Problem With Confidence? When I tell you what I heard you'll be able to laugh at what you believe is your own lack of confidence.I couldn't believe it.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
