| ||
| ||
|
||
|
|
|
Gay Zombie Hunters Dilemma
The title of this article may lead you to believe that I hunt gay zombies. This is untrue, mostly because zombies who were once gay humans are now too gross to still be considered 'gay'. Their cards were revoked long ago. No no, I am a gay hunter of zombies, and I need your advice. Now that the world has been overrun with flesh eating monsters its' become more difficult to find fashionable merchandise. No longer are the days of Channel spring lines and Ikea super sales. Now we must scavenge the city, risking our lives in a quest for that perfect pair of shoes. Often I pretend like I'm living out Pretty Woman, except now when the clerks don't let me shop I take action with a double shot gun. I say 'we' because there are others that survived. Not many, but there are a few. Mostly goths in black netting with pale white faces; apparently they looked too dead already. I was very lucky myself. You see, that particular day was a 'me' day, where I locked my doors, turned off the phones and played Madonna, Cher, and Britney Spears on rotation for 18 hours. How fabulous! In any case I missed the worst of it, and when I awoke from my blissful stupor I realized that my peaceful shopping days were over. Now lets get back to the real problem. I decided to go for a stroll through the city on a mission to obtain a set of dinnerware to match my couch and coaster set. I plan to use them if the world ever repopulates enough to justify social events (hopefully with the 'right' type of people this time around, if you know what I mean). Never can be too prepared. So I put on my Egyptian cotton shirt, pin stripe pants and pushed my way past the outdated Ugg boots in my closet to grab my running shoes (hey, I can't be all glamour when battling the undead). Then I grabbed my pink 'girl power' chainsaw and went to town. Current day, it has been fairly uneventful; easy jog past the mass of slow-moving decayed masses. That is until I am now met with the hardest choice I've ever had to make. From out of the crowds has come a familiar face. Who else could it be but the iconic American singer, film actress, director and producer extraordinaire? Yes, it is Barbara Streisand, and she is in the way. There are no 2 ways about it. If I want that crystal serving tray I am going to have to take my trusty pink chainsaw to her crooked zombie nose. Or should I accept defeat, and allow my role model to pass the curse on to me. Could be an honor really, but it could be the worst defeat of my life (and the end of it, for that matter). What should I do? Please, I need your help because my logic is not sound at the moment. Visit me at http://www.nolifeonline.com, and hurry! I do not have much time. Karl Mueller is an author and one of the founders of http://www.nolifeonline.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Sexuality - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
No Excuses for All that Infidelity: an ugly beast that most people must deal with.Let us make something perfectly clear: nobody cheats by accident. The Truth About Dogs and Dogs I have come to the conclusion in my short time on this earth, that there are far to many people that ignore the most important things in life. Most certainly this happens in the gay community where almost all actions are taken to extremes. Why You have the Right to Choose to Think Sexuality is a fundamental part of being human and alive. It is powerful, even in its distortion it carves our lives in the same way that flowing water engraves the planet. Its All Porn and Games Til Someone Gets Hurt An 11 year old kid in Britain recently got caught selling adult DVDs on school grounds (at http://news.bbc. Boost Your Sex Life the Natural Way: A Look at Some Natural Aphrodisiacs There are many well-known ways to boost a sagging libido, from oysters to zinc to Viagra. But what about some holistic alternatives?Dr. 11 Hot Tips For Lasting Longer in Bed Ever wanted to achieve more sexual pleasure for you and your partner?Have you ever felt like your sexual patterns are preventing you and your lover from experiencing sex as blissfully as you know it can be?Does the prospect of having sex sometimes seem too daunting just because of a history of unsatisfying experiences?Changing your sexual patterns may be a burning issue for you, a passing curiosity or perhaps you know someone that could benefit from this information.In any case I am sure you will find the following informative and interesting. The Real Kama Sutra Is Not Tantra......but Heres Why You Should Be Interested In Both Tantra and the Kama Sutra are often lumped together by sex writers today. But as you'll find out below, the two, very worthy subjects are only distantly related!Modern sexual marketing has ensured that the first things most people envision when they hear "Kama Sutra" are images of statues with entwined limbs and bodies in exotic sexual positions. Why Men Worship Lingerie, and The Qualms We Have With Lingerie Stores I must first present the disclaimer: as only one man, I cannot, and will not, speak for the rest of my gender. I can only present my side of the story and the details and ideas I have personally acquired throughout my short yet informative and experienced mature life. How Do You Use Anal Beads? Why Are Anal Beads So Popular? Anal beads are used by both men and women and are considered a good introduction to the world of anal play. Anal beads are a strand of silicone or plastic beads on a heavy duty string, usually made of nylon with a retreival handle or loop. Furvert: Part 1 in an Investigative Series of Obscure Sexual Fetishes Borne of the science fiction and fantasy fan scene, the subculture of Furry fandom is a thriving genre in the fetish world.We're not talking here of 'plushies', those who fetishise stuffed 'plush' animals like teddy bears. How To Use A Vibrator There are many different ways to use a vibrator, it is impossible to list them all becuase it lies up to the imagination! Be creative and let your inhibitions go and explore your sexuality to it's full extent. There are however some tips that will ensure a completely satisfying experience:The first and most important factor in a pleasurable experience is proper lubrication. Sex Stats The next time you're at a party and there's a lull in the conversation rather than trying to fill the gap with your knowledge of sports statistics, sitcom trivia or movie tidbits wow your listeners with this amazing array of info on everyone's favourite subject: SEX!Mighty Mr. WillieSizeThere's a great variety in the size of flaccid penises, but there's less difference when they're hard because smaller penises enlarge more during erection. Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 2 IntroductionThis is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. Please click here to read Part 1 if you missed it. Is He Gay? The following signs may help you decide if your boyfriend or husband may be gay.He may be gay if:*his razor is in the bath tub or shower. Carnal Attraction (Sexual Pleasure) Hottest topic of the world no adult likes to miss. Each one desires the glimpse of sex in any form openly or secretly. The Top Ten Secrets For Great Sex! Clearly there are no rules, only what lovers have known since Antony and Cleopatra: "Pay attention, be kind, and be loving". But the following Top Ten List might be a useful reminder! Enjoy!1. Finding the G-spot The G-spot is a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina. It is located behind the pubic bone within the front wall of the vagina, about two to three inches deep. Sex Toys - Theres One For Everyone Dongs & DildosThe most common of sex toys, dildos or dongs are designed for stimulation by vaginal and anal insertion and stroking. Dildos come in many shapes, sizes, color, texture and other accessories. Accepting and Embracing Your Sexual Self What are you hiding?C'mon?you know you're hiding something.Is it that you like anal sex??That you like to have sex with women and men alike?? That you are dominant??That you like to be tied-up?What is it? C'mon, you can tell me. Sex: Ritual Recovery of Vitality and Life Sex is the pure essence of vitality in life. In some it builds marriages, in others it creates families and in all of us sex sustains love.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
